Reality Check

November 20, 2007

I thought things were going so well in my classroom until yesterday at the end of the day. It had been a long exhausting day and I was rapidly running out of patience and steam. We had discussed the 7 caring habits and agreed that they were worth working on. Not tough I thought. I had been working since July to make them a part of my world.

I had just finished explaining that I would be handing back their chemistry assessment. Many were not quite quality and I had asked questions or made comments on almost all of the papers. I also told them that I wanted them to have a chance to read my comments and questions before I conference with them to talk about their answers so that I could further assess if they understood the chemistry concepts on the assessment. Remember that I have set up my classroom as an A/B , no grade classroom where students need to be proficient and meet the learning targets for each unit I teach. I also re-explained that sometimes it is hard for me to really know if they know without talking with them.

With that said, I began to return papers. The talking started almost immediately. By the time I finished more than one student was complaining loudly. Then it happened...one student yelled I wrote the answer here in the margin! Its not wrong. I replied...I don't remember exactly what you wrote, but I must not have been sure if you really understood the concept if I asked questions about your response. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Of course the eye rolling and huffing followed. No sooner had those words left my mouth than another student yelled Of course I know what conjoined means. I was taken aback. I turned and looked at the student who loudly added "I didn't copy and paste it from the Internet". This was the point where I lost it. Rather than respecting their words, I became defensive, which in turn caused the student to become defensive. Before long I was using the deadly habits with ease to put this student back in their place. It was horrible. Choice Theory went out the window in a blink of the eye....

With 3 minutes left in the class period, I walked out into the hall to speak with students who had come into the doorway earlier to ask me a question. The bell rang while I was still in the hall. They left for the day and I felt absolutely horrible. I looked for the student and caught them just as they were walking out of the wing...they did not wish to speak to me. I couldn't blame them. Had I destroyed the relationship I had with that student? Would I be able to mend it?

Needless to say I had a miserable night. I really felt terrible. I looked for the student as soon as the first bell rang the next morning and asked if they would talk to me. They agreed and we moved into a quiet area. I started out by apologizing for my behavior. I also explained that I thought we both had knee-jerk reactions to each other. He smiled and agreed. I explained that I really didn't want to lose the relationship that we had and that I thought of them as a great student and someone I enjoyed getting to know in class. I then told them what I was willing to do to mend the fence. I asked if there was anything he could do. Happily he reported that he had talked to his dad about it and felt that he could work on being less defensive when I said I didn't understand what was meant in his writing. I ended the conversation by asking if we were still friends...With a smile on his face he said yes.

In the past, I never would have felt bad about dressing down a student. I would have justified it by complaining about their behavior and disrespect. I didn't sleep well and I was really concerned about my relationship with this student. I knew that if I destroyed my relationship, success in my classroom would be fleeting not only for that student, but for all of them that witnessed the meltdown. Respect would be gone. I wasn't willing to let that happen and I was willing to admit that my behavior was out of control and I wasn't driving my own car. Thankfully, I have developed a good relationship with my students through using Choice Theory. Choice Theory allowed me to take the steps necessary to mend the fence not only with the student but with the entire class. It has given me the tools to mend fences rather than burn bridges and perhaps loose a student to defiance, non-learning and misbehavior for the rest of the year.

It isn't always easy to do, but it is definitely worth it. The student was happy and talkative with me today in class. I also saw more work being done than I had in the past few days. I truly believe that success is directly proportional to how well the people involved get along together. Today was a much much better day!!!!

Choice Theory is work and I believe I've come a long way. I have a long way to go, but it is worth my time and effort. It isn't a one day or week idea. I do know that my students are achieving more and I see more learning than I have in the past. It is easy to fall back into old habits, but I know that it is important that I keep on the choice theory path. One day at a time...